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#1
10-03-2006, 06:09 PM
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a follow on from my previous thread...(quite long and confusing)
Ok so for those who read my other thread about being worried about my friend because of her bf...well i think i need to carry it on a bit...
to make things easier... A = the one with the bf B = the one who her bf hates C = another one of our friends whos recently been talking to As bf Her bf already hates one of the group...and she hates him and our friend (lets call her A) knows this. Now her bf and this friend he hates (B) don't talk/have anything to do with each other. But since then both A and B have been iffy with each other...i've had both of them moaning about the other 1 to me. And B thinks A's bf has had something to do with this. On monday night As bf was talking to another one of the group (C) and they were having a discussion about something which ended up in As bf telling C to tell him something in 30 seconds or he'd block her 'along with the rest of A's friends'. I used to get on really well with As bf but for the last few months since they've been getting more intimate, he doesn't put any effort/seems bothered about talking to me anymore and when we do talk he just makes comments and annoys me which usually ends up with me storming offline and refusing to talk for several days. Thing is...A said that if her bf didn't get on with her friends then she couldn't be with him. He wouldn't have told her about threatening to block C 'with the rest of As friends' and about how he hasn't been getting on with me for ages. We think that he used me to gain As trust. As in he got close to me and was good friends with me to impress her and pull her in. Now they're saying they're going to sleep together soon (might i add A has told B that he tried to talk her into letting him go down on her and kept pestering her...and also 'suggested' she go on the pill) and have gotten really intimate he seems to be shutting him and A off from everyone now he's got her where he wants her. We all really want to tell her what's going on, but we're worried when we do, she'll confront him and he'll get defensive and twist things to make us seem like the bad people and just talk her into staying with him. Trouble is, because i'm the 1 who he got closest to and who she gets on best with/knows best i'm probably the only 1 she'll really listen too. I really want to tell her but i dunno how to go about doing it. I feel so bad for not telling her because i'm living a lie but i'm also scared if i do i'll make things worse! But then on the occasions he's ok with me i feel guilty (like now). We're all just so worried about her...  Last edited by Ballerina : 10-03-2006 at 06:26 PM. 
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#2
10-03-2006, 06:17 PM
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A did what to B's C?
 As far as I can follow it ... stay out of it. Its her businesss. She's a big girl and she can make her own decisions. Just be her mate and if the boyfriend doesn't want to be mates with you don't be mates with him. Simple as.
__________________
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
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#3
10-03-2006, 06:21 PM
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#4
10-03-2006, 09:21 PM
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if you're worried about her then talk to her. the way i see it 2 things could happen: chances are she wont take it very well because you'll be slagging off her boyfriend which she obviously wont want to hear, therefore she'll be pissed off with you, fall out with you and the rest of your group of mates but will eventually realise this guy is wanker, break up with him and come crawling back to you guys and admit she was wonrg.
or you'll talk to her about the whole situation, she'll believe what you say and will dump him. although this is probably unlikely as, as you've said her boyfriend will twist things and make her believe him and she probably will believe him just because she's a teenager and wants to have a boyfriend. i guess if you dont want a major row then you just shouldnt say anything and should let her get on with it and learn from her mistakes. but it does sound like you're worried about her and i think you'll feel worse if you don't do anything and stand by and let her get hurt. at least if you talk to her, you'll know you've tried even if she doesn't believe you.
__________________
You got to keep in the game
Retaining mystique while facing forward I suggest a reading of a Lesson in Tightropes Or surfing Your High Hopes or adios Kansas
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#5
10-03-2006, 11:19 PM
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I know its hard and you want to protect your mate but it really isn't your business and she needs to make her own decisions and learn from the bad ones. As far as I'm concerned the job of friends in this situation (and what I try to do) is be a shoulder to cry on/drinking buddy when their other halfs being a dick and help to pick up the pieces when it all goes tits up. Thats all you need to do. No point risking your friendship because she's got a crush on a twat and you want to give your opinion on the matter. Well in my opinion anyway. Good luck whatever you decide 
__________________
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
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#6
11-03-2006, 09:04 AM
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i don't feel like im being a true friend lieing to her and letting him get away with what he's doing to all her friends. He has such a violent temper, he has put his fist through walls/doors and has thrown a knife at his boss.
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#7
12-03-2006, 04:37 PM
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i dont think theres much you can do.
just let her get on with uit, let her know that your there if she needs your help and be there for her when she comes running back having been shit on. its oin of those lessons that you have to learn for yourself
__________________
Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth  will you be the pee in my pants?  __________________ "if we knew the outcome it wouldnt be called reaserch!." -Albert Einstein
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#8
12-03-2006, 08:09 PM
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Calm down. People get close and become more distant with their friends - that's just life.
Don't interfere because nothing good will come from it, for either your friend or yourself. Big deal, they're going to sleep together. So fuck. It's their business and theirs alone. Let 'em get on with it, regardless of whether you think it's a mistake or not. That's how people learn.
__________________
Narrow souls I cannot abide, There's almost no good or evil inside.
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#9
12-03-2006, 08:16 PM
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More silly teenage shenanigans from Ballerina and co.
 
__________________
Conformity before conscience Uniformity before faith! To infinity and beyond! "the reason i took drugs in the first place was because ...i was confused. it's all become clear since" -Rolly. Just as it is true that a stream cannot rise above its source, so it is true that a national literature cannot rise above the moral level of the social conditions of the people from whom it derives its inspiration-James Connolly.
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#10
12-03-2006, 08:45 PM
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spliffie....it's not about them sleeping together - it's his temper and the way he's manipulating her that we're worried about.
turlough, either you stop taking the piss out of my problems and post something useful or don't reply at all please
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#12
12-03-2006, 08:48 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Conformity before conscience Uniformity before faith! To infinity and beyond! "the reason i took drugs in the first place was because ...i was confused. it's all become clear since" -Rolly. Just as it is true that a stream cannot rise above its source, so it is true that a national literature cannot rise above the moral level of the social conditions of the people from whom it derives its inspiration-James Connolly.
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#14
12-03-2006, 08:58 PM
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Quote:
 
__________________
Conformity before conscience Uniformity before faith! To infinity and beyond! "the reason i took drugs in the first place was because ...i was confused. it's all become clear since" -Rolly. Just as it is true that a stream cannot rise above its source, so it is true that a national literature cannot rise above the moral level of the social conditions of the people from whom it derives its inspiration-James Connolly.
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#15
12-03-2006, 09:00 PM
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