Telling a parent?

[Saul]

Well, after another week end of just sitting at home with the prospect of doing nothing, I've realised I have more than one life/personality.

My mood, actions and comments change depending on where I am, and it's annoying to say the least. I know it's probably quite common to change your behaviour depending on who you're with, but I'm on about MASSIVE changes.

When I am at home with my mum, I feel like just ending it all. I don't hate the town as such, I just hate the way she always tries to control me. Constantly complaining if I go out (To the extent I don't go out any more except to go to college and gym).

When I am at college, I'm happy. I'm with friends, I don't need to constantly try to be something I'm not, but I still have to try and stop doing some of the things I want to do.

When I am at my Auntie and Uncles house in Edinburgh, I'm happy, but I'm not me, but I am doing what I want to do. (If that makes sense). The personality I portray isn't what I am, but I do the things I like doing, IE Driving, helping people out and fixing computers. All things I really enjoy, but I feel like I can't be me.

When I am online, I'm everything I want to be. My personality is me with NO holdbacks, I can talk to new people with out constantly thinking "what do they think about me?"...etc...

Now the main problem with all this is the fact that I live at my mums house, and when I'm not at college I'm sat upstairs in my room thinking about ways to end it and whether it would be beneficial or not. I feel like I can't talk to her because she's my mum and I don't want her to feel like a failure, but the more I stay at home the closer I am to just "ending it".

I've tried to doing things to take my mind off it. Whilst at home I sit upstairs in my room playing online games for most of the night, then watch a film and go to sleep, but this isn't how I want to live my life.

I don't even know what I'm asking to be honest, other than, how do I tell my mum that I'm not happy with the life she is making me lead due to her constant complaining at my actions.

(some other notes: I'm still at college, I've tried getting a part time job, but I'm not confident with new people and my interviews always seem to suck badly )

[sugar_mouse]

maybe showing your mum this post (print it off or something) and write at the bottom that you need her support??
i know you say you dont want to talk to her, but since alot of the issue is there when you're with her, she's the one who can probably help you!!!