Necesito una poca de ayuda...

[queenmab_roo]

Could any native/good spanish speaker perhaps help me with lexis and grammar structure etc in the poem? It was one that i've written in English and have jus popped into freetranslation.com to translate into spanish, I've not looked at it myself yet but I will do and am going to end up changing it, but if someone could just correct the grammar and vocab for me that'd be great!

Here's the one in English first:

Tearing away your daemon

It tore away your soul
To lose your little sister
The one who loved you so much.
Your life-long friend and companion,
Ripped, taken, leaving only you.
Your special bond with your daemon,
Severed and cut,
Yet each retains some connection.
Remembering each other.

Nobody could close the daemons place,
Yet others come close,
Never close enough.

She’s always there
Your guardian angel in death,
As much as in life.
You may not know it but she is.
Sometimes you think things,
Things that make her sorrowful,
But as your daemon she’ll always come back
You couldn’t even wish her away

Yet still, they tore away your daemon,
It was a harsh break,
A harsh time, harshly done.
Yet be consoled, she is always with you,
You know that.

and the freetranslation.com spanish version:

Romper lejos su demonio


Rompió lejos su alma
Para perder a su hermana pequeña
El que le adoró tanto.
Su amigo y el compañero de toda la vida,
Rasgado, tomado, saliendo sólo usted.
Su bono especial con su demonio,
Cortado y cortó,
Mas cada retiene alguna conexión.
Recordar uno al otro.
Nadie podría cerrar el lugar de demonios,
Mas los otros vienen cerca,
Nunca cierre bastante
Ella es siempre allí
Su ángel custodio en la muerte,
Tanto como en vida.
Usted no lo puede saber pero ella es.
A veces usted piensa las cosas,
Las cosas que hacen su dolorosa,
Pero cuando su demonio que ella siempre regresará
Usted puede ni la desea lejos
Mas todavía, ellos rompieron lejos su demonio,
Era una interrupción dura,
Un tiempo duro, duramente hecho.
Mas sea consolado, ella es siempre con usted,
Usted sabe eso.

[Cute_Baby_Bear]

Id help you if i could, but i cant, so ill shut up and go away....

[Panthro]

Rasgó lejos su alma para perder a su pequeña hermana la quién le amó tanto. Su de siempre amigo y compañero, rasgado, tomado, dejándole solamente. Su enlace especial con su demonio, separado y corte, con todo cada uno conserva una cierta conexión. Recordarse. Nadie podría cerrar el lugar de los demonios, con todo otros vienen cerca, nunca cierran bastantes. Ella es siempre allí su ángel del guarda en la muerte, tanto como en vida. Usted no puede saberla pero ella es. Usted piensa a veces las cosas, las cosas que hacen su doloroso, pero como se volverá su demonio ella siempre usted no podría incluso desearla lejos con todo aún, él rasgó lejos a su demonio, él era una rotura áspera, tiempo áspero de A, hecho áspero. Con todo consuélese, ella está siempre con usted, usted lo saben.

From Google Language Tools

[mazza]

Hey you guy's Panthro's translation of said poem is better than the original vby wueenmab roo gerself. i have a degree and French and Spanish - give me a few days...it's straightforward, but hey daemons - angels who guiode you right? I hadn't even heard of these in English until a few years ago so daemons to demons - no! demonios in Spanish means what the packet says - demons! is that what you want to say! Also what's with the Spanish transalation? If you were to get this published say, you could then get the publishing house to translate it into 12 different langauages if you wated as part of your book deal, if you thought it would sell and the demand was there!

[mazza]

One other point all this usted business? In Spanish 'le' and 'usted' are used for strangers, your grandparents, basically anyone you revere! So saying 'the one who loved you so much" (El que le adoró tanto.) so referring to el que le adoro tanto ...it would be ella que te adora tanto...also why would you use the polite form form for your little sister... a five-year-old is not someone to be revered! in langauage terms not in Spanish anyways! These machines like baelfish/systran are okay/great, but do not necessari;y pick up the nuance involved in modern languages such as the 'tu' friendly /familiar form in French/Spanish/Italian and the 'vous' form all these language have. In Sopanish the 'vous equivalent is usted (for one person) and ustedes (when being polite to a group of people)

Also:
Su amigo y el compañero de toda la vida,
Rasgado, tomado, saliendo sólo usted.

No no no

Su amigo y el companero de toda la vida (perfect)

But the 2nd part - saliendo solo usted - this does not mean Ripped, taken, leaving only you. It means ripped taken (only you going out!) salir - to go out in Spaish.

Better is Ripped, taken, leaving only you. tomado also wrong now I come to think of it as tomar is in relation to food toma una manzana - take/have an apple. Tomamos la cena - we have dinner

Options - rasgado, robado, sacando solamente ti (right slanted accent on i)
This means Ripped, robbed extracting only you. Literal but robar has the senzse of snatch. Can't remember snatch rigt now in Spanish but use whatever that verb is - end it in 'o'

Other alternative - Rasgado, robado, quitandote solo (also good) Ripped, robbed, leaving you alone.

Let me know what you think of these suggestions. This really has to be broken down sentence..Spanish is a rich langauage and just changing from polite to familiar can alter meaning.

[mazza]

Also, it's necesito un poco de ayuda!

[Franki]

Originally Posted by mazza

Also, it's necesito un poco de ayuda!

*puts up hand*

Why?

[queenmab_roo]

Hey guys. Thanks for that! I've not come across google language tools Panthro, I'll have to look into that, cos it definitely does seem better than www.freetranslation.com which is a literal translation!

And thanks Mazza too- it wasn't me who translated it, but i was having a bit of a stress with all my spanish earlier so jus thought i'd get it basically translated then actually go through it with the meanings. jus to explain a few things:

when i say daemons i mean like a companion- i wrote this after having ]read the His Dark Materials series. The reason i wanted it translated is because one of the tasks i have to do for my portofolio at leeds uni is related to poetry by Eloy Sanchez Rosillo and we then had to write our own. the style in that poem above is similar to how Rosillo writes, so i thought rather than write a new one- which would take too much brain power at the moment- i'd simply translate that and change it a wee bit.

it was freetranslation that used the usted bit, ive taken most of it out! however, the little sister i'm talking about in the poem isn't a five year old, but a 35 year old who i didnt know. but was still my sister.

so demonio is not close to the right word at all? i'll have to check that in the morning, and if you could get back to me on that too it'd be a great help. here's the updated version:

Alejarse su demonio


Se alejó su alma
Perder su hermana pequeña
La que tanto le adoró.
Suya amiga, el compañero de toda la vida,
Rasgado, robado, quitándote solo.
Te sientes llena de nada ahora-
Su laza especial con el demonio,
Rompió y cortó,
Mas cada retiene alguna conexión.
Recordar uno al otro.

Nadie podría cerrar el lugar del demonio,
Sin embargo otros llegan cerca,
Nunca bastante.
Ella está siempre allí.
Suyo ángel custodio en la muerte,
Tanto como en vida.
A veces no lo cree, pero es la verdad.
A veces piensa cosas,
Las que le pone dolorosa,
Pero como su demonio, ella siempre quedará
No puedes la desear lejos.

Ya, todavía, se alejaran suyo demonio,
Era una ruptura dura,
Un tiempo duro, duramente hecho.
Mas sea consolado, ella está siempre con usted,
Siguen viviendo en ti.
La luz de tu vida.
Eso lo sabes.

also i knew that it was un poco de ayuda really but then i'd just been going on about adjectival agreements so...

can i try and explain for franki.... is the reason that it's un poco de ayuda is because we're focussing on a little bit of, not the help part?

[piccolo]

Why?

"poco" is a noun not an adjective, I believe. Therefore does not have to agree. Word order and use of "de" give it away if you're ever unsure.

[mazza]

Originally Posted by queenmab_roo

Hey guys. Thanks for that! I've not come across google language tools Panthro, I'll have to look into that, cos it definitely does seem better than www.freetranslation.com which is a literal translation!

And thanks Mazza too- it wasn't me who translated it, but i was having a bit of a stress with all my spanish earlier so jus thought i'd get it basically translated then actually go through it with the meanings. jus to explain a few things:

when i say daemons i mean like a companion- i wrote this after having ]read the His Dark Materials series. The reason i wanted it translated is because one of the tasks i have to do for my portofolio at leeds uni is related to poetry by Eloy Sanchez Rosillo and we then had to write our own. the style in that poem above is similar to how Rosillo writes, so i thought rather than write a new one- which would take too much brain power at the moment- i'd simply translate that and change it a wee bit.

it was freetranslation that used the usted bit, ive taken most of it out! however, the little sister i'm talking about in the poem isn't a five year old, but a 35 year old who i didnt know. but was still my sister.

so demonio is not close to the right word at all? i'll have to check that in the morning, and if you could get back to me on that too it'd be a great help. here's the updated version:



also i knew that it was un poco de ayuda really but then i'd just been going on about adjectival agreements so...

can i try and explain for franki.... is the reason that it's un poco de ayuda is because we're focussing on a little bit of, not the help part?

Piccolo has more or less got it in a nutshell. There are lots of Spanish phrases like this un poco de ( masc).....una falta de (a lack of - feminine) is another one. Bit braindead at mo...too early. It's like French une bouchee de (feminine) some of these are set masculineleaning phrases and some feminine leaning. If you think about un poco meaning a few, a little is a1 masculine/noun concept and una falta - a lack of (need for!) is a feminine one so in their set phrases they stay in their assigned gender. BUT franki if you see them in a sentence like:


There's only a few people at this party:

Hay poca gente en esta fiesta 'masc poco' is suddenly agreeing with feminine word gente for people, so in the case of poco, it is really dual gender taking on masc/feminine attribute according to sentence structure and word order, but the phrase 'a little of' will always have a masc singular set up in a sentence with 'un poco de' in it as will a mouthful always been feminine ad infinitum in French une bouchee de. I'm sure this is still foggy, for teh best explanation to date see piccolo.

Also, Queenmab, when is your deadline and so I get a clearer understanding what degree are you doing - English Lit/Spanish, Spanish? other. Also teh daemons one, ok this is hard...ok I have just looked it up in the ox dic and it says: the guardian spirit of a person or place (daemon/daimon) You said companion well that's easy 'companero' but I don't think that's right ...we're looking more 'angel' here as you know angel (with an accent somewhere I think.) I'm afraid guardian angel I dunno in Spanish ...never had to use it. Let me know what systran says, but go for the gusrdian angel option...let me know when you need to get it in etc. I'll read your 2nd version.

[mazza]

Just found it it's gonna be a real busy day for me at Site Towers today, BUT I have printed this off and wikl spend 20 minutes or so looking over ot at lunchtime, so should be able to get back to you b4 5:30pm, ok? Also, though you didn't know your sis, I think stylistically the tu/te form in Spanish is much warner more pasion etc, so I will do it in that form...it doesn't really matter even if you didn't know each other as you are blood-related etc. usted is not too fashionable... that inludes the 'le' etc...you would use that to your lecturer. Spanish wasn't my hottest one of the combined degree in French/Spanish. I ended up doing 60 per cent French 40 per cent Spanish, but at the end of the day I would say my DSpanish is good enough. Any help with French poems let me know, I'd relish that! Cheers. Must do work.

[queenmab_roo]

Deadline is the 10th may, its for my oral on the 11th, so i may have to talk about the poem! Chinese and Spanish is my degree... what im trying to convey in the daemon thing is really like what Philip Pullman uses the word daemon for... sort of a life companion that you are aware of, whereas generally guardian angels are seen as not visible. Im perfectly happy for the tu form to be used, as you say it is more formal. Thanks ever so much!

ooh while we're here, im not very good on idioms in spanish, have you any idea how to translate "breathe a sigh of relief" into spanish? and any good places to learn idioms from?

[mazza]

[quote=queenmab_roo]Could any native/good spanish speaker perhaps help me with lexis and grammar structure etc in the poem? It was one that i've written in English and have jus popped into freetranslation.com to translate into spanish, I've not looked at it myself yet but I will do and am going to end up changing it, but if someone could just correct the grammar and vocab for me that'd be great!
PLEASE SEE MY PM'S TO YOU ON IMPROVEMENTS TO THIS POEM. I JUST REMEMBERED YOUR EXAM IS TOMORROW, SO IT'S URGENT. WHETHER YOU READ THIS OR NOT, GOOD LUCK AND BREAK A LEG!

MARIAM XXXX (MAZZA)

[twisted_trinity]

god i'm gonna miss speaking spanish....mad really

[Thunderstruck]

I would have helped in this but I have far too much work and a degree to do.