Old lies

[trance_mastaz]

Do you think it's silly of me to be annoyed with my girlfriend for lying to me in february?

Back in feb we (Helen and I) were seeing each other and on the verge of getting together, I went away for a week on my skiing holiday with my family and when I came back I spoke to helen on MSN (she is "cold, cold..") -

[19:39:20] cold, cold w: right i have a big thing to tell u
[19:39:21] cold, cold w: but
[19:39:35] cold, cold w: please dont get mad---listen til the end..i
guess. okay *sigh*
[19:41:39] cold, cold w: on friday i went to damien rice with my best
bloke-mate ever, steve. he knows me more thna anyone
probably. and he wants to go out with me, which really
really threw me, cos we're not like that at all. i said no,
cos of u. but i just thought u should know....because im
very confused at the moment. and its just like.. i could
have kissed dave because of the situation, but really i
just thought of u. .. eek
[19:42:58] Many sausage: but you didnt?
[19:43:10] cold, cold w: no
[19:44:21] Many sausage: well
[19:44:24] Many sausage: fair enough then


and I just left it at that. We officially started going out in April, but a couple of weeks ago I overheard her speaking with my sister and it seems helen and steve had actually kissed that night and started going out for several days before I got back from france. This really upset me because helen had told me an outright lie above in that convo ^^

After I found this out I asked her about it:

[19:48:25] keep your fr: why did you lie to me about steve in
february?
[19:49:01] today mister: urgh
[19:49:57] today mister: because it wasnt planned or even wanted on my
behalf and so i considered it kind of invalid.
[19:50:50] keep your fr: even after the phil thing when you promised
to tell me the truth if anything ever happened after that?
[19:55:20] today mister: i fancied steve for so long and thought it
would never happen for us because we becamse such good
friends (and never anything more). when we started "going
out" it just was nothing to me, i wanted you
[19:55:37] keep your fr: keep your friends close, your enemies won't
matter in the end says:
even after the phil thing when you promised to tell me the
truth if anything ever happened after that?
[19:56:23] today mister: i said: yes exactly
that jsut made it all so much worse
cos it looked like i did that kind of thing often. which i
dont
[19:57:03] keep your fr: its just not very nice cos its in my mind now
that you've lied to me before
[19:57:42] today mister: im sure its not nice, i can understand that
[19:57:51] today mister: and i am very sorry
[19:58:08] today mister: i didnt know how to tell you
[19:58:13] today mister: so i just put it off
[19:58:18] today mister: which is awful

NB: the 'phil' thing was a similar incident in january when helen had lied to me about kissing and going out with her friend phil for several days, after which I asked her to please just tell me the truth if anything happened like this again.

Which makes me really annoyed/upset that she'd lie when she promised that she wouldn't... she never even told me about the steve thing in the 6 months between it happening and when I found out. how do I know if theres not other things she's lied about if she's done it twice now?

I don't know what to do because shes already apologised but it's on my mind all the time, how can I fully trust her now? I won't be able to speak to her for 2 weeks because shes on holiday now.

Thankyou to anyone for your thoughts on this

[nmrmak]

Why exactly did u bring up that issue right now? Is it because of her holiday?

It is not silly of you, but you should talk it over with her if you have an issue, just make sure it's with a reason, or else you will end up in a pointless row.

[spongebobsgirl]

if i were you id spend the next 2 weeks trying to sort your head out, and then talk to helen when she returns off holiday! You need to think about whether you want to be with her, and if you do, will it be the same as she's lid to you twice now!
I mean, its only natura; for you to worry about this sorta stuff, and what happens if she comes back off holiday+says some guy came onto her and she said no bcos she with you - you're just gonna spend all your time thinking "did you really say no, or are you just saying that to shut me up??"
A relationship is nothing without trust, so explain to hwlwn you're only having the talk with her so you can finally move on and accept what happened!! If this relationship is worth something to her, then she'll be honest with you and give you all the answers you need to know.
good luck, but if you aren't certain, then dont rush a decision to stay in this relationship
SBG

[trance_mastaz]

Originally posted by nmrmak
Why exactly did u bring up that issue right now? Is it because of her holiday?

Well it's because I only found out about it a couple of weeks ago, and also because i've had more time to think about it what with her and most of my friends being away at the moment...

Thanks for your replies

I guess i'm just not sure if it's worth making this a big issue, because even though it really troubles me, it was 6 months ago and it was before we were officially going out. I have some trust issues already because my last girlfriend 2-timed me + cheated and lied to me god knows how many times, it's made me more paranoid. But I also don't want to lose my relationship with her, it's been the best ive ever had.. argh

[David Grohl]

i would be really pissed off about it, how can you have a relationship on trust when she lied to you about things before yous were even heading out. that would make me very consious with everything she says. although she may have decided to keep it to herself as she wanted to get with you and maybe she thought if she had of told you the truth it would have fucked up things with you. i havent a clue, you may just have to talk to her face to face.

[trance_mastaz]

Originally posted by David Grohl
although she may have decided to keep it to herself as she wanted to get with you and maybe she thought if she had of told you the truth it would have fucked up things with you.

Do you think that's a justifiable thing to do? I suspect that's why she lied. If she had told me the truth back then I would most likely have not ended up in a relationship with her.

[David Grohl]

you have to think of it like this, have you enjoyed yourself since you been out with her, do you think you would have had a better time without her? think of all the good times and bad times and think if its justifiable. i cant say as im not in your position but if your enjoying yourself then yes its worth it as long as she hasnt done anything behind your back or is lying to you now then i dont see anything wrong.