I don't fit in ANYWHERE

[LiverpoolStephen]

Hi all,

I have a long running "issue", I'm 18 right now, and I just feel completely cut off. Ever since my childhood, I have been out of step with my peers. It started out with being more mature than most, and when I was about 14 manifested in being insular and really a bit of a loner who tried to belong. It doesn't bother me as much now, I appreciate my own company, but I'd like some real friends. I have older friends through the voluntary work I have done, but its not the same. None of my peers relate to me, and me them.

The problem is, somthing unknown about me puts people off. It's strange because I succeed in everything else social, apart from casual interactions and I'm definately not someone I'd think people would not want to know. I succeed in a workplace, in impressing at interviews, in volunteering - but not on a social level. I can't make friends and/or keep them, but I have very good social skills. I try to be friendly, sociable and open - perhaps even more effectively than others and I make a genuine effort - but people just push me away before they even bother to get to know me.

Everyone I know, are mere associates aside from family.

Should I concede to being a loner? Nothing I can effectively change?

What is wrong with me?

[cat_treats]

Hi LiverpoolStephen

Sorry you're having a hard time feeling like you belong. I strongly suspect that its just about finding the right people rather than something wrong with you
It sounds like your confidence has taken a knock and that can be a tricky thing to get back. You could try spending some time doing things you enjoy - maybe joining clubs for dance, climbing, chess - whatever floats your boat - any activity that will help break the ice with people and give you a shared interest.
It might also help boost your confidence to sit down with someone you know does appreciate you, perhaps a close family member or colleague, and get some support - I'm sure they'll only be too happy to remind you of what they like about you! It can be easy to forget yourself!
Have a look at our guide to friendship which might help you out!
You might also wanna post on the relationship section for a different angle of advice.

Good luck

[adogwithsunglasses]

i think i'm in the same boat stephen. i have a few friends and go out quite a bit but i don't seem to fit properly in to any crowd or group. i would like to make more friends and be more open with people instead of pretending to be completely average.

[futilethewinds]

I think I know exactly what you're talking about, as I have the same situation. People generally like and respect me and confide in me things they wouldn't tell anyone else, but there's a separateness - for some reason, it is hard for people to understand/relate to me. It's just always been that way (as far as I can remember).

I would agree that it helps to get involved in more activities/organizations which you genuinely enjoy. You may never feel exactly as though you "belong" per se, but you may feel that you are more accepted or that you connect more with people in a particular group/setting.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by adogwithsunglasses

i would like to make more friends and be more open with people instead of pretending to be completely average.

Alright, now I have another point to make. I have tried to act "completely average" but it didn't really work too well. I had more people around me, but I didn't connect with them, I was constantly being embarrassed by examples of my social incompetence, and I was always so tired and stressed out from trying to impress everyone at once. It seems easier to be completely open about my identity, beliefs, values, etc.

People tend to respect someone who dares to be so bold (even if they find it hard to admit as much). I have made much more friends much more easily with the latter strategy, and they were real connections, people who go out of their way for me and people with whom I can discuss anything without judgment on either end.

[Captain Slog]

I agree with futilethewinds. I have always had difficulty fitting in. I gave up trying to be like the majority (or "sheep" as I call them) a long time ago. If you try to act "cool" and you're not, you end up looking like a wannabe. Be yourself, and try to find freinds who share your interests.