death in friends family

[my name]

Just wanted peoples opinions on this.

A few weeks ago my friend, who I considered to be one of my closest friends, had to cancel going out because she said she had to take her mom to the hospital. (we do all our communication via text... ) And I replied to her asking what was wrong and if everything was ok. She didn't respond. The next day I asked again how her mom was doing, if it was anything serious and that again. She never responded to those questions and just changed the subject.

I figured it was private and personal and didn't push the topic anymore. Perhaps it was a complication from a labiaplasty, obviously awkward and none of my business so I didn't ask again. We've chatted a few times and she has never mentioned it.

Today I find out her mom passed away. One one had I'm a bit mad that she never said anything, but then that would make me the worlds biggest bitch for thinking that. But I wonder why... I was talking to another friend of ours and she had told her what was going on... I feel very sad for her and a bit hurt as well... and now just plain psycho that I'm actually thinking about myself in this situation!

[The Convincer]

My 'sort of ex-girlfiend who sort of hates me but sort of loves me too' (it's complicated) never told me her mum was terminally ill until very late on. Then, she insisted she didn't need sympathy from me nor anyone else because of it. Since then, her mum has died and she acts as if she's unaffected by it, even though I know full well she's affected very much by it. She just can't deal with emotions, especially sharing them with other people and she has a huge complex about coming across as vunerable or dependent.

She baffles me so much, but some people are just the way they are.

[purplestarfish]

I know its hard but try not to take it personally... I think that in these sort of situations its not uncommon for someone just to tell one person / a limited number of people... Its hard to explain, but if something bad its going on its good to have everything normal with friends to take your mind off it. And if she finds it hard to deal with the whole thing as well as her emotions, then having people know, and then the chance that they'll bring it up will be really hard for her...

I haven't explained myself very well... but what I mean is that it probably has nothing to do with how she sees you as a friend. Its just she was relying on you to be the one that she could just forget about everything with, and it just so happened that it all came out with the other friend.

[my name]

That makes a lot of sense, thank you. I don't think I told any of my friends that my grandma passed until they texted to do something and I was already out of state because I didn't want to think about it so I didn't want to hear any sorry's and sympathies from my friends... but I didn't correlate the two. Thank you

[queenmab_roo]

It's also quite difficult to actually do the telling- lots of people don't know how to react, so it makes you more nervous to tell people.

My dad died two years ago, and I'm quite alright with talking about it, but whenever I tell someone that it happened, there is almost always this awkward moment from them with a "shit i don't know what to say to that argh!" thing. So some people may have a problem dealing with that.