How do people deal with inconsiderate housemates?

[Melian]

Urgh.

There's 6 people (including myself) living in one of the uni flats. 2, we never see, me and 3 others. I get on ok with the other 3, but am having serious problems with them and was wondering how to deal with them:

- someone keeps going through my cupboard (the unlocked one; we also have a locked one) and taking my cups and my sharp knife. He never asks and just leaves them on the side after he's finished with them and never washes them up. I mentioned it and got told to "get over it" and "you sure it wasn't you that left it out?" Er, yes I am. They also think what he's doing is fine.

- I'm the only one who washes up after themselves and puts their dishes away after them. Yesterday, I couldn't wash up proplery because someone had left their dirty dishes in the sink and loads of clean ones on the drainer.

- They always have people around. I have no problem with this; but they're so noisy. I could hear them on Thursday night with earplugs in, the kitchen door shut and my door shut. This is not uncommon. Ironically, one of the girls who always has people around was whinging because she can't study because of the noise.

And they think it's ok to ask ridiculously personal questions - I have a skin problem right now and someone decided to ask (in front of their friends) if I'd changed my washing powder. What the fuck?

I would love to move out into where a friend is staying; but that's not going to happen now. (he's the only student who lives there and says that he can study during the week; as they're all working)

[katchika]

I don't think there is any way to deal with them. Can you get a lock for your cupboard? I hated living in halls..people live so differently and it often seems to cause problems.

[Kat_B]

yeah, living in halls is often hard when you've got inconsiderate housemates.

you could always go and see the accommodation people and ask if there is anywhere else you could move to, if there are any spare rooms etc. but even then, you might end up living with people who are even more inconsiderate.

it's hard, i mean you can keep asking them about the washing up etc but i doubt they'll change. some people suggest having a washing up bowl per person so you can each put your own washing in your own bowl and if you dont want to do it, it sits there and doesnt get in other peoples way.

and i guess you can start keeping your plates, knives etc in your room if it gets too bad but it's not ideal.

as for the noise - the only thing you can do is ask. hopefully some of them will be a bit more understanding.

it'll be better next year when you can choose your housemates. doesnt help now, i know. maybe try spending as much as you can at your friends houses?

[Melian]

Originally Posted by katchika

I don't think there is any way to deal with them. Can you get a lock for your cupboard? I hated living in halls..people live so differently and it often seems to cause problems.

No I can't. I already have one locked cupboard, which contains food.

as for the noise - the only thing you can do is ask. hopefully some of them will be a bit more understanding.

This was discussed last night. One of them has decided that it's ok to make as much noise as she wants from 0800 - 2300. Because, that's what it supposedly says in one of the letters we were given. It says we have to keep our noise down between those times; but we also have to be considerate to others if they might be studying or sleeping after 8am and before 11pm.

They also decided that they can slam their doors as adn when they wish. They claim "we can't help it; they're fire doors". When I said I don't have this problem, they said "well, that's because you close it slowly and hold on to it when you close it".

They are now refusing to talk to me.

[ShyBoy]

Keep non spoilable food and crockery in your study room. Try to make an effort to get on with your housemates, just so the rest of the year is bearable. I found myself despairing and the only way forward really was a bit of time on my own, regroup, and pretend the things that had annoyed me hadn't happened and taking a positive action to try to talk to them and so on.

In the end I made no lasting friends from it, but I managed to live there for the year and didn't go insane. After that when I got ot move in with people I chose things were much better (although obviously still the caveat of 'the lazy one' and so on :P but you will get that in any group larger than 3 that people will let others do the chores / cleaning / cooking / whatever, because they can.).

[icey]

Some people can deal with joint living, some people can't, it sounds like you fall into the second camp imo. The problems you've listed don't exactly sound very big but it does sound like you're blowing them up in conversations with your housemates.
I lived in a flat with 13 others last year (much like halls) and sure there were problems but there are ways of dealing with them. There was food stealing, cutlery stealing (well, people using and not washing) mess left everywhere and not tidied up etc..pretty much a lot of the same sort of thing you've mentioned, in the end we all agreed to keep all of our stuff in our own rooms and every couple of weeks had a mass flat clean as a group. It wasnt ideal but it kept the peace and we all got along just fine.

As for the banging doors between 8am and 11pm - are you really that bothered by this or is it just something else to complain about, making your housemates sound like they're horrible people? Youre a student! Relax a bit.

[Melian]

Originally Posted by icey

As for the banging doors between 8am and 11pm - are you really that bothered by this or is it just something else to complain about, making your housemates sound like they're horrible people? Youre a student! Relax a bit.

It really is that much of a problem, yes, especially when sleeping or studying. I can even hear them (my hearing isn't that good) with ear plugs in. One of them has mentioned it too - and she's one of the people who does it.

every couple of weeks had a mass flat clean as a group.

This was preety much esuggested last night; but everyone apart from me, only cleans up when they can be bothered. And it won't last long either.

A note was written a few weeks ago asking people to clean up when they've finished - that lasted 5 minutes. (I'm the only one who will wash up after they've finished)

Some of my cutlery is in my room; but only because I don't require it and do have a cup in there too.

[Scary Monster]

Reread your list and have a look at the things that are actually a problem.

Shared living requires a lot of give and take and compromise.

Letting doors swing shut isn't unreasonable, actively slamming them in the middle of the night may be, but just leaving them to shut on the closer is perfectly fair behaviour. If it's a problem for more than one of you then go and talk to the accomodation office and get them to adjust the closers so they shut more gently.

If your sharp knife is getting used and left out, then keep it in your locked food cupboard. You should be able to get a knife in there pretty easily.

Washing up wise, again you'll probably need to learn to let that one lie. Only thing you can really do is try and get people to not leave their stuff in the sink. If that doesn't work get a cheap washing up bowl and keep it in the sink, that way if people leave stuff in it and you want to wash up you can just lift the bowl out and use the sink.

Noise and friends round late at night isn't fair, and shouldn't be happening, but if your housemates feel you're whining about everything then you won't get far with the complaints that matter. A trick that can work is a phone call down to the accomodation office or warden about the noise, they won't know its from you, it could be one of the neighboroughing flats.

As for ridiculously personal questions, asking if you've changed your washing powder if you've got a skin problem to me would be an act of concern and looking out for a flat mate. A change of laundry powder is often the explanation for skin rash. The person probably thought they were being nice and helpful.

[katralla]

If it's too noisy to study in halls, try using the library, or other study rooms.Perhaps you shouldn't have to move out of your room to study but, if you get more done that way it might be better to just get on with it.

[Franki]

Originally Posted by katralla

If it's too noisy to study in halls, try using the library, or other study rooms.Perhaps you shouldn't have to move out of your room to study but, if you get more done that way it might be better to just get on with it.

Yup. That's what the library is there for, especially during the day. I agree that them being loud can be really disruptive, but at the end of the day, unless you have to be up at a ridiculous hour (like I do atm, I'm glad now I didn't apply to McD's last year when I was still in halls) then it's not massively unreasonable of them to make noise if they're stopping at 11pm. I like to be in bed fairly early as well, but I would only get annoyed if they were still making noise at like 1 or 2 am.

Saying that, if you REALLY can't deal with it, then speaking to the halls people to ask if you can be moved is an option.

[Melian]

Originally Posted by Scary Monster

A trick that can work is a phone call down to the accomodation office or warden about the noise, they won't know its from you, it could be one of the neighboroughing flats.

The neighbours have complaiedn adn were told to keep our noise down between 8am and 11pm.

If it's too noisy to study in halls, try using the library,

I've tried doing this; but the library shuts at 8pm and don't want to walk home when it's pitch black. And I would end up spening almost an hour walking there and back; which I could use for studying.

[Scary Monster]

Originally Posted by Melian

I've tried doing this; but the library shuts at 8pm and don't want to walk home when it's pitch black. And I would end up spening almost an hour walking there and back; which I could use for studying.

How about staying on at uni after your lectures/classes and getting the bulk of your work done then, then there's no difference in the travel times as you'd be doing it anyway. It's also a good habit to get into as it helps you keep a routine and working consistently rather than cramming for deadlines.

[Franki]

Originally Posted by Scary Monster

How about staying on at uni after your lectures/classes and getting the bulk of your work done then, then there's no difference in the travel times as you'd be doing it anyway. It's also a good habit to get into as it helps you keep a routine and working consistently rather than cramming for deadlines.

.

Means you are less likely to get distracted by the lure of the internet too. Well...unless you're me, but *shrug*.

Plus, if you're really that worried about an hour walking to/from the library, then what are you doing on here so often . Doing, say, 4 hours of good studying in the library will be better than doing 5 hours of disrupted studying, dont you think?

[Melian]

Originally Posted by Scary Monster

How about staying on at uni after your lectures/classes and getting the bulk of your work done then, then there's no difference in the travel times as you'd be doing it anyway. It's also a good habit to get into as it helps you keep a routine and working consistently rather than cramming for deadlines.

I have 2 days where I finsh at 6.30pm, so that's a no-no.

Spoke to them last night, the stuff with mess is sorted-ish (need to talk to the guy who always leaves dirty dishes ont eh drainer) but the noise issue isn't. Someone really needs to check their contract - they're saying "making noise at 8pm is fine" - er, well it's not late but some of us have work to do.

[FireFly85]

Originally Posted by Melian

I have 2 days where I finsh at 6.30pm, so that's a no-no.

What about the other three days, and weekends? Are there no times when the noisy people are out of the flat (e.g. I found that most people went home or were out and about at weekends) that you could schedule in getting work done?

There may be no way to solve the noise issue, since what one person classes as noisy another may think is perfectly acceptable. Unfortunately halls are an incredibly noisy environment and you are likely to have this problem in some form or another the whole of the time you're living in them. Therefore you do have to find ways of either ignoring it or going elsewhere. Is there no one else you can walk back from the library with in the evening?