Extortionate mum

[ShyBoy]

Ok, my mum's being really harsh.

She's saying that until I go back to university she wants me to pay £60 a week board as that's less than what I'd be paying to the university. The prob is, I'm not getting financial support now so I'm paying out from my savings. The only reason she's charging me is because I've got nowhere else to go.

I guess some peopple have to pay board, but I don't know any of my friends whose parents look at what money they have and ask for all of it. In fact, a lot of them get financial support in little things.

Further to my theory she's sexist, she's charging my sister who's working f/t £10 a week. The rest of her money she blows in one day. (I'm trying to save up for next year).

It was also upsetting today when my mum was bitching about me to my aunt and uncle. I come downstairs and they say they've heard all about me. My mum can be really harsh and embarressing sometimes, and makes stuff up about my personal hygiene as a joke that I find really offensive.

It erks me off because since my dad died my mum hasn't got another job saying she needs to look after us lot - but I cook most of my own meals (or if I'm at my girlfriends house I get fed) and my brother who lives away from us gives my mum money so we don't need to stress about working.

My mum then tells us we have to pay her board. She wants to start fostering because she can get £400 per child per WEEK. Of course, she's already planned that my room will go to someone else, and one of my other brothers is already sleeping on the sofa.

I mean, in a family it's about give and take, I do my fair share of chores, even have to clean up others mess (because my sister insists as she works, even though I pay board just like she does, that she doesn't have to clean up after herself) and am jobhunting. As soon as I sold my motorbike, mum got excited and started asking for cash, you could see the $$ signs in her eyes.

I wish she'd see me as a member of the family rather than a source of income. She owes me so much I can't even remember, as does my younger sister. Mum just goes shopping a lot, and I can't be doing with it.

I can't afford to move out though, I've got all my stuff here for uni, I don't have a car to transport anything, etc.

In the meantime, I'm getting poorer than anything. Still jobhunting, got to go to another agency on tuesday to fill in an application form that may get me an interview that may get me a job, and I don't need my mum dancing on the spot with her spur of the moment purchases (she has two cars and shes the only one that drives!) looking as I have money from my student loan / EMA even when I got that and asking for it.

Cant wait till I move out !

[SuzyCreamcheese]

have you mentioned to her the huge discrepency in what she charges your sister and what she is planning on charging you? That does seem jolly unfair.

[ShyBoy]

Originally Posted by SuzyCreamcheese

have you mentioned to her the huge discrepency in what she charges your sister and what she is planning on charging you? That does seem jolly unfair.

It's one of those things. I think she's a bit old fashioned in that men are workers who earn money and my sister doing her job (an apprenticeship in hair dressing) anything she earns should be her pocket money. But she earns £80 a week. My brother earns more and pays £65 (I think around £240). Because at university I was paying I think £79 a week that matching my brothers rate is 'ok'.

But my other brother who is at university does not need to pay board. It's just mum penalising me for being a drop out, I guess.

On a smaller note, she said it was for lifts and things - but she refuses to give me lifts anywhere yet gives my sister 2 / 3 lifts a day.

What was funny when my aunt and uncle were ripping into me was that she'd overlooked how I get up at 8am and have breakfast whilst she isn't up and about until about 12! And then she watches TV!

I wouldn't mind so much if;
- she could justify it (but she can't, since my brother covers all of her expenses, he's quite well off)
- I could afford it (and she knows I can't)
- she didn't spend it all on clothes and new sofas and new cars

Whilst I want to spend a few hundred on getting my bike licence. But where is the money better served, me learning to ride so I can be independent or her so she can buy something else.

When I confront her about the furniture, she says it's her money. But my bed is broken and I've had difficulty sleeping, and she won't shell out the £30 or so for a new frame from ikea. Says it's my bed so I can pay for it.

It's like she wants to charge me money but not give me anything back in return.

[lipsy]

Why have you moved home? Are you not at uni anymore?

[I'm With Stupid]

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Tell her she'll get what she's given and be fucking grateful for it. Erm, the same as your sister sounds about right really, doesn't it. Tell her if she wants you to pay more, she'll have to ask your sister to pay more. Also, get your brother/sister to back you up. Sorry, I know you're supposed to be respectful of your mum, but she's being completely unreasonable, and you have to put your foot down and tell her.

[edn1]

Originally Posted by I'm With Stupid

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Tell her she'll get what she's given and be fucking grateful for it. Erm, the same as your sister sounds about right really, doesn't it. Tell her if she wants you to pay more, she'll have to ask your sister to pay more. Also, get your brother/sister to back you up. Sorry, I know you're supposed to be respectful of your mum, but she's being completely unreasonable, and you have to put your foot down and tell her.

I completely agree with I'm_With_Stupid. I been in a similar situation in the past with my mother and it is very unreasonable on many grounds not least because you are FAMILY you are not a source of income but her son.

I had MANY an arguement about this with my mother, in the end, i moved out.

I'm sorry, and i know this sounds disrespectful, but like i said when it comes to family you do not start taking more money off them than they can afford, you take what they are in a position to GIVE you whether you work or not.

Originally Posted by lipsy

Why have you moved home? Are you not at uni anymore?

Yeah, I'm sure ShyBoy mentioned something on here bout dropping out of uni and moving back.

have you mentioned to her the huge discrepency in what she charges your sister and what she is planning on charging you? That does seem jolly unfair.

Agreed. If you were actually earning money (and more than your sister) then I could understand why she charges you so much.

Says it's my bed so I can pay for it.

I'm sure my mum said a similar thing to me a while back. However, I'm actually getting some sort of money a week and not being charged rent or anything.

[ShyBoy]

Originally Posted by lipsy

Why have you moved home? Are you not at uni anymore?

What happened in a nutshell:

Lived at home.
Went to uni.
Spoke to my tutor, wanted to change course, he said ok.

I thought then that I'd just spend the rest of the year at uni and get a job there. Then I get a letter through from some official body saying that my loans etc. are suspended, and I have to leave uni accomodation. Well, fair enough, I can't expect it if I'm not studying per se, but I thought from what my tutor said I would be able to carry on as normal til the end of the term.

So came home, and been job hunting since.

The worst bit is, she says it's for bills and stuff but all of that is 100% covered. Every penny we pay her goes towards extra stuff. And she spends her spending money on stuff for herself, (like a new sofa suite) rather than stuff for everyone (like, me and my sister both need new beds, as they're both falling apart. My mum has a habit of scrimping on us kids and tends to get freebies / charity shop stuff. And it's harsh when she buys herself new stuff from M&S that costs hundreds . I've had to sort out temporary shelving in my room because when I was at uni it was used as a box room. No help from her there either.

It just winds me up, because we're not living like a family where we help each other out, but we're not living like flatmates either, because she just charges us as much as she can get.

I know my brother and sister off the record don't pay that much, but she's told them both to say that so I feel like I have to pay. She was shocked at how much I got in my loan because of our circumstances, and as such has been finding ways to get bits of it off me. It's just another ploy really, she wanted to charge me £50 to drop me off at uni or to pick me up.

Family is really great sometimes, isn't it?

I would be so tempted to just tell her to fuck off. Or if she needs money to sell one of her cars.

[Ballerina]

How much stuff does she actually have?

[z-]

Originally Posted by Lacy

I would be so tempted to just tell her to fuck off.

well harsh, id definitely put my foot down

[Young and sexy]

I really don't mean to sound disrespectful here, but I think your mum seems a bit immature.

Is there any way you can have a chat with her about this and tell her everything you've just told us? Or if that's not possible, write her a letter of some sort. You need to make it really clear to her how this is making you feel and what affect it has on you.

Also, I'd be tempted to not tell her any of your financial information from now on - she'll only demand x amount of it as hers.

[lipsy]

Wow, thats fucking awful. A mum telling her children to lie so that her other son will give her more money.

[StrubbleS]

What the hell? With a mother like that (soz shyboy) I would do nothing but arguing 24/7.

She can be grateful for having such an understanding son...

[VinylVicky]

It's shit when you realise your parents are only human. If she won't budge then you'll just have to accept it I'm afraid or look into house sharing.
Unfortunately it's her house and she makes the rules.