New man & drugs

[HanHan]

Not sure if this should be in the drugs or relationships forum really, but have just started seeing a new bloke who is really great - I really like him, feel comfortable with him, we have a quite similar outlook on everything - except drugs.

He made it pretty clear very early on that he's partial to a bit of - pretty much everything! - as far as I can make out, which is fine, because I'm very much of an 'each to their own' attitude, but from a personal point of view, I'm not into drugs AT ALL - I've never even tried a cigarette my whole life - and I feel like this is the only potential sticking point I can see in the future.

I'm worried that his friends will be into taking stuff too (more than likely), and I'll end up finding myself at a party or round someone's house one evening, feeling uncomfortable because I'm the only one not doing it - but it's not that I'd feel left out or anything, it just makes me really uncomfortable being around people who are on something.

Suppose I'm asking - do people have any tips for me to help me just 'get over' feeling uncomfortable about it - or do you think I should even try?? It's not like it's a problem at the moment, but I'm thinking if I could change my mindset even just a bit about drugs (to the point where I'm a bit more relaxed around people who take them), then it could help reduce any potential arguments/dramas in the future.

I really like this bloke, and feel like I can be honest with him, so I feel like I could explain to him that being around drugs makes me uncomfortable - and I'd hope he'd understand, but if he's been clear from the start that that's what he likes to do sometimes, I'd feel unreasonable if I turned round several months down the line and told him I had a problem with him doing it.

Any advice please??

[HanHan]

Anyone??

This is quite a big deal for me at the moment....would appreciate some input!!

I was going to reply but it's quite a difficult one.

Can't you compromise so that he doesn't do it round you? People don't turn into total monsters when they take drugs (well most don't!) though, if you just chilled out around them it'd probably be a laugh. As long as you didn't feel pressured into trying anything, or anything like that.

Sorry not much help!

[innocent_kate]

Originally Posted by HanHan

I really like this bloke, and feel like I can be honest with him, so I feel like I could explain to him that being around drugs makes me uncomfortable - and I'd hope he'd understand, but if he's been clear from the start that that's what he likes to do sometimes, I'd feel unreasonable if I turned round several months down the line and told him I had a problem with him doing it.

Any advice please??

I think if you feel comfortable and able to be honest with this guy like you say, then I think it's best you make your feelings clear now. You seem to have a great attitude, where you let people do what they like to do but are confident enough to know you're own principles. So maybe if you speak to him about it and are open, you could reach a compromise. Maybe he could just keep the drug-taking away from you; not do it when you're around. As long as you're happy for him to have nights out without you where he's free to take some.

[pill 'ed]

I've been in your boyfriends situation soo many times. I've been dumped twice because of my drug habbit and so many girls that I've tried to get with have turned me down saying that they really like me but they feel I'd love drugs more than them.
He'll be fine, your relationship will be fine, as Lacy said as long as they don't pressure you into trying anything then you shouldn't have a problem. You have no reason to feel silly fot not taking them, just as they shouldn't have any reason to feel stupid for taking them. Just don't try and make him stop taking them because that's changing someone, I've had girlfriends try and do that to me before and it just won't work.

[HanHan]

Originally Posted by Lacy

I was going to reply but it's quite a difficult one.

Can't you compromise so that he doesn't do it round you? People don't turn into total monsters when they take drugs (well most don't!) though, if you just chilled out around them it'd probably be a laugh. As long as you didn't feel pressured into trying anything, or anything like that.

Sorry not much help!

No - that's OK - appreciate you giving it a go!! My initial thought was that it would make sense to compromise so that he doesn't do it around me too....but then I thought well, if it's a part of him (obviously fairly significant for him to mention it so early on), and I make it something he just does around his friends, then he might end up feeling bad because at times, it'll mean I've technically made him choose between spending time with me & spending time with his friends....BIG potential for arguments!!

I don't know...yeah...it's difficult. I just think part of the prob is that I need to be more tolerant.....I'm fine if people are just smoking or whatever, but I get sort of worried when people change their behaviour...I used to go out with a bloke who loved mushrooms, and he was so different on them (OK - more loving, but still!) - it freaked me out!!

[HanHan]

Originally Posted by pill 'ed

I've been in your boyfriends situation soo many times. I've been dumped twice because of my drug habbit and so many girls that I've tried to get with have turned me down saying that they really like me but they feel I'd love drugs more than them.
He'll be fine, your relationship will be fine, as Lacy said as long as they don't pressure you into trying anything then you shouldn't have a problem. You have no reason to feel silly fot not taking them, just as they shouldn't have any reason to feel stupid for taking them. Just don't try and make him stop taking them because that's changing someone, I've had girlfriends try and do that to me before and it just won't work.

Thanks - that's really useful to hear it from 'the boyfriend's' point of view!! I wouldn't want to change it...I already recognise that it's a part of him & I think girls who try & change blokes are fighting a losing battle anyway....it really is just more about how to find a decent compromise.

Think I should mention it to him next time it's comfortable to bring it up...not fair to him if he doesn't realise I have a bit of an issue with it.

[pill 'ed]

Originally Posted by HanHan

Thanks - that's really useful to hear it from 'the boyfriend's' point of view!! I wouldn't want to change it...I already recognise that it's a part of him & I think girls who try & change blokes are fighting a losing battle anyway....it really is just more about how to find a decent compromise.

Think I should mention it to him next time it's comfortable to bring it up...not fair to him if he doesn't realise I have a bit of an issue with it.

Yeah bring it up with him but don't make it sound that you have an issue with him using drugs. Make sure he knows that you're worried about conflict because of being different.
I'm sure he'll be willing to make a decent compromise such as spending a certain amount of days each week seeing you and being sober, and a certain amount getting mashed with his mates. I wish I could meet a girl who'd be willing to be with me despite my drug habbit lol.
Good luck

[HanHan]

All good advice - thanks - you're right - it's all in the way I word it - don't want him to think I'm having a go and get him on the defensive from the start.

Originally Posted by pill 'ed

I wish I could meet a girl who'd be willing to be with me despite my drug habbit lol.

Ha ha...yes.....he's a lucky boy!! No...luckily for him, he has a lot of great qualities I really like, which are outweighing the drug thing at the moment. We'll just have to see how it pans out....

But thanks for the great advice...v helpful!!