In response to my post that got everyone mad...

[ibanezdude]

I really didn't think when I was writing this as I was fairly upset at the time, so I understand why everyone was pissed...If you don't know what I'm talking about, the original message is the next few paragraphs. If you already read it and got steamed, just skip to the new part, marked with this smiley > <


Well, today I think I finally got the hint to stop spending so much on her presents. I have to admit the spending has toned down recently anyway, and after 2 1/2 years I guess the time has come and gone to go crazy on holidays. Christmas, her birthday, and Valentine's day have all hit within the past two months, and I've spend somewhere around $350, which is too much for a poor college student living of $8/hour not even 20 hours/week (before taxes, of course).

My Valentine's day present to her was a pearl bracelet and flowers, coming to a grand total of $110. Her Valentine's day present to me was a nice new wallet and a DKNY t-shirt, which cost her no more than $60, assuming the t-shirt was $30 or less because I'm sure the wallet was $30.

Ouch.

I guess I should be happy that this time has finally come, since I'll be saving more money, but I'm really not happy. I'm going to miss the days of huge presents. When I graduated high school she bought me a $200 mp3 player. Now I've been reduced to wallets and clothing. What a mediocre Valentine's day...I think the best part was that I didn't have to go to work because of the snow...or maybe the shrimp scampi?

Well, at least I have next year to look forward to...I'll be 21 then, so I can drink away my woes. On second thought, that doesn't solve anything. I'll just make next year's Valentine's day the best one ever. Better start planning now...


I realized after reading all of your posts that money really wasn't why I was so disappointed. I shouldn't have said that because that's not what I meant, and I was just looking for a reason as to why I was so upset...I feel like she put no effort into choosing a gift for me. I kind of felt like she went to the mall and was like, "oh yeah, this should be good enough." The shirt was fine, I just think the wallet got to me...she got her dad a wallet for Christmas, I suppose that's part of it, made me feel old (and like her dad this is also the reason I knew the price of the wallet, I didn't go searching for it). I would have been perfectly happy with a pair of jeans or even a picture frame or something personal like that; something that isn't going to get beat up in my back pocket and get replaced within a year. I know jeans get beat up, but there's something special about wearing something that was a gift from your girlfriend. She didn't get me a card either. I remember a few years ago, when I was still a n00b as far as relationships are concerned, she was really upset when I didn't get her a card, and I learned from that. Back to yesterday, she was also pissed at me cuz the flowers I got her had no roses I figured she would rather have a larger bouquet of mixed flowers than three roses for the same price. She also was mad because I wore my snow boots (there was about 6 inches of snow on the ground outside) to her house and my socks were ugly (?) which I think is a dumb thing to be mad at me for on Valentine's Day. Now that I think about it, I didn't even get an "I love you" from her yesterday...

I hope you guys understand my situation a little better now and aren't as mad at me. I'm really not an asshole. I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot after being here not even a week.

[squeal]

Atleast you got something.

You still come across as a little unappreciative, just because the presents she got your weren't what you wanted your all upset about it.

Valentines day is a load of bullshit anyway. You shouldn't need one day to show love to one another, that should be everyday. I see it as just an excuse to boast to everyone else about your relationship and what you've been bought.

Forget about it and don't dwell that your presents weren't up to scratch, there are far more things to worry about than that.

As for her, moaning about your socks and snow boots, that's pretty petty and i'd have told her to fuck off. You came over to see her and she should be happy about that.

[Fiend_85]

Maybe you need to have a think about what in the relationship is good and what bugs you, and whether you're still in it because you have been for such a long time, or if you're still in it because you're still in love. Stuff like that, think, then have a chat with your lady.

[Namaste]

Maybe she's broke.

[VinylVicky]

Originally Posted by Namaste

Maybe she's broke.

It's not the money - it's the thought apparently.

If she's not getting you the things you like, maybe she doesn't know you that well?
I'd be made up with a wallet and t shirt!

[squeal]

Originally Posted by VinylVicky

I'd be made up with a wallet and t shirt!

I'd be made up with anything. Iv'e not had anything for the past two years

You should be counting yourself lucky.

[**helen**]

Originally Posted by ibanezdude

I hope you guys understand my situation a little better now and aren't as mad at me. I'm really not an asshole. I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot after being here not even a week.

Hi there,
I think it's much easier to understand where you're coming from now

Buying presents for loved ones can be tough as it's easy to read so much into them and get bogged down with what's meant by them. It sounds like your worries about the gift situation could well be symptomatic of deeper worries about the relationship as a whole - mainly, does she care about me as much as I care about her? The problem is, it's quite easy to read a lot into presents and what they might mean, but not always the best way of really knowing - presents can mean different things to different people and some people are just better at choosing them than others.

Having said that, the fact that she didn't get you a card could be more telling. Have you asked her why she didn't get you a card? It could be simply that she didn't think you would appreciate a card as much as a present. Once I didn't send a card to an ex (complicated story so I won't go into it) and he was really upset. The next year, he in turn didn't send me a card because he thought that the fact I didn't send him one that time meant I wasn't really bothered by them. It turned into a pretty petty situation and probably one of the reasons things didn't work out for us - if you don't nip these silly things in the bud then they can escalate and cause resentment. Equally, she might not have sent one because she's unsure of her feelings and wasn't sure what to write in one. Either way you can drive yourself mad with these guesses, but only she can give you straight answers or reassure you.

You might find this article helpful: communication as a couple

Take care