23, never kissed a girl

[Jomery]

Warning: This is a bitter rant.

I am 23 and have never kissed a girl on the lips, nevermind 'pulled', had a girlfriend, or had sex. I have, however, spent thousands of pounds on girls, treating them well on dates, parties and balls, only for them to pull another guy in my face and end up going home with them that night.

The number of times I've taken a girl out say dinner first then to a club, or got them to be my date for a ball, and another guy comes onto them and they instantly pull I've lost count, and I'm just standing there looking sheepish and embarrassed. Whereas if I've ever tried to kiss a girl they turn their cheek or give the "we're too good friends I don't want to mess that up" shpeel.

I don't get it. I'm not unattractive - all my female friends say I'm good looking and say they can't believe that I'm single or never pulled. This just adds insult to injury - then why won't they ever want to be with me?! Less attractive, less charming guys with less prospects all have no problems.

If I can't even randomly pull what chance do I have of ever having a girlfriend? Here exactly the same thing has happened to me at least 5 times now - if I ask a girl out they say they're not looking for a boyfriend right now, and a month later they have a boyfriend. And if it's the same social circle I have to put up with them pulling all night at a party.

Woe is me.

[ShyBoy]

Happened to me once, met a girl in a club, swapped numbers, were dancing, then she started snogging another guy in front of me! I walked off, but to this day she texts me asking how I am and if we ever want to meet up. How bizarre.

I think the best you can do is just keep trying, sometimes you get lucky and other times not. People can be fickle sometimes, they might like you but if a guy who looks nice comes onto them they might go for it. Whilst it's rude in my opinion - especially if you're on a date - that's what some people are like I guess...

...you're better off without those. But how to get the 'good' ones is all down to luck, because usually it happens when you least expect it, you'll meet a nice person as a friend and you won't think anything of it, then you're talking one night and you'll end up kissing and wondering what the hell's happening. Life's kinda crazy like that.

Sorry if I wasn't much advice, all I can say is don't worry and keep meeting people because when you meet the right one you will know and you won't worry about all this time when weirdos who you went on dates with went off with other guys.

edited to add: unless of course you're falling into the trap of treating them like a 'mate' and then they don't see it as a date but more going on the pull... Like I said, people can be fickle!

[Skive]

Go out get pissed, buy a drink for some random pissed up bird in a club and chat her up, buy her a drink. If she knocks you back, move on to the next.
You get told to fuck off more times than you pull but it it works in the end.

That way you don't have to take em out and spend loads of vonga only to realise what's on your mind isn't on hers and you don't run the 'we're mates' risk.

If you pull, get their number and meet up later if they're up for it. Only then is it worth doing the wining and dining bit.

[Jomery]

Originally Posted by ShyBoy

edited to add: unless of course you're falling into the trap of treating them like a 'mate' and then they don't see it as a date but more going on the pull... Like I said, people can be fickle!

Yes I think this is the problem, I say the word 'date' as in guy and girl going out somewhere together, but from their perspective they may well see it as just friends from the offset. But even if I've only just met someone they treat me like their new guy friend who they'll want to discuss their relationship issues with but never see me as potential material

[bunglenutter]

Originally Posted by Skive

Go out get pissed, buy a drink for some random pissed up bird in a club and chat her up, buy her a drink. If she knocks you back, move on to the next.

[Skive]

Originally Posted by bunglenutter

That's the best way to guarantee to 'pull' when your out on the town.

[bunglenutter]

[Namaste]

Can I be honest?

You say you've spent thousands of pounds, so be careful these comen ain't taking you for a ride. I think it may be your social skills? How are you with flirting?

What do you want from a woman?

Originally Posted by Skive

Go out get pissed, buy a drink for some random pissed up bird in a club and chat her up, buy her a drink. If she knocks you back, move on to the next.
You get told to fuck off more times than you pull but it it works in the end.

That way you don't have to take em out and spend loads of vonga only to realise what's on your mind isn't on hers and you don't run the 'we're mates' risk.

If you pull, get their number and meet up later if they're up for it. Only then is it worth doing the wining and dining bit.

Nail on the head

I'd guess that the girls you've encountered in the past have been happy to spend time with you while you were the only option for socialising and a bit of the high life, then someone with a bit more about them comes along and they're off like a shot. As a general rule of thumb, any lass worth bothering and who had a genuine interest in pursuing something with you would probably be pretty uncomfortable with a bloke who wasn't her boyfriend (and had no chance of becoming a boyfriend) splashing the cash from the word go. I can only really speak from personal experience, but I do know that that certainly wouldn't be a situation I'd be comfortable in. A girl who is just take-take-taking with no sign of interest in YOU is either out for what she can get, or is genuinely clueless to the fact that you're interested in being more than just friends. Though the latter is pretty unlikely.

Go out and have a bit of fun. Don't dwell on women who show the minimum of interest (if any at all!) and just move on until you find someone who has a bit of patter and see what happens from there. It probably won't turn out to be the earth-shattering love of your life - though it might - but it will boost your esteem a bit. Confidence breeds confidence breeds success, most definitely

[I'm With Stupid]

Originally Posted by Skive

Go out get pissed, buy a drink for some random pissed up bird in a club and chat her up, buy her a drink. If she knocks you back, move on to the next.
You get told to fuck off more times than you pull but it it works in the end.

All except the "buy her a drink" bit. In fact it's usually better to make a joke about it like, "What's a guy gotta do to get a pretty girl to buy him a drink round here?" But yeah, I think that approach does rely somewhat on being charming and outgoing, so it's not always the best option if you're quite a shy bloke.

[I'm With Stupid]

Originally Posted by ShyBoy

Happened to me once, met a girl in a club, swapped numbers, were dancing, then she started snogging another guy in front of me! I walked off, but to this day she texts me asking how I am and if we ever want to meet up. How bizarre.

I've kinda had that before, but afterwards the girl said that she was trying to make me jealous. I could see it coming all night. We'd only pulled once before, and she came out with me and my friends, and I didn't make any moves on her at all. And I could see her getting closer and closer to one of my friends, all the while blatantly looking at me, but unfortunately, I decided to take this as a challenge, and refused to show her any attention. I met another girl I knew and started talking to her. After a few minutes she was kissing my friend, so I decided to bring this other girl to the bar instead. Came back, my friend went to the toilet, and the first girl was all over me. Haha. 1-0

Erm, but yeah, that's a really bad example. You shouldn't use people like that kids.

[StrubbleS]

Originally Posted by I'm With Stupid

Erm, but yeah, that's a really bad example. You shouldn't use people like that kids.

bwahaha...

Well, @OP, I can only agree with what has been already said. If you take a girl out for a date, you probably knew her/befriended her before. Those are USUALLY a no-no, it just does not work (so so rarely)

I recently met a really nice girl, through a friend. (he knows her from 5 minutes talking in a whole semester of studying). Random pulling ishard for me too, try to get to know new people through friends, collegues etc. They can introduce you to her and it's a pretty swell kickstart. You always meet girls and dudes through friends, friend's friends, collegues, collegue's friends, friend's collegues and so on!

Don't try to be a doormat with buying them a lot of things. Basically I rather have split bill on the first tryst, but she paid for the tablefootie match, so I paid for 2 shots later.

Never dwell on mishaps, they will - probably - always outnumber the successes (or whatever the plural of success is). You seem to be on the right path, maybe the last portion of confidence is missing tho!

[I'm With Stupid]

I agree with the general sentiments of the thread. I think the key is to chill out a bit. It sounds like you come on quite strong. If you go in for the kiss and a girl is turning away, it means you're going in too soon, without any invitation. Things like spending money on girls can make her feel uncomfortable, as if she owes you something, and any girl that expects you to spend money on her that soon is probably taking you for a ride. Coming on too strong means you're putting too much pressure on a girl to decide whether she likes you, whether she want's to see you again, whether she want's to kiss you. Having a more chilled out attitude to it will give her the same feeling, and she might be more willing to open up a bit more, and ultimately have more fun.

[lipsy]

Originally Posted by I'm With Stupid

In fact it's usually better to make a joke about it like, "What's a guy gotta do to get a pretty girl to buy him a drink round here?"

if a guy said that to me i would NOT be impressed

but you are right. a guy doesn't need to buy a girl a drink - she either likes him or she doesn't.

[lipsy]

Originally Posted by bunglenutter

and whats your method of pulling then?