down and bleeding

[migpilot]

She phoned me tonight asking me to help her with a laptop problem.
An hour before that I was walking back from the cinema thinking about relationships, marriage, wife, kids and .... her.
Earlier today I was driving along thinking about her when I came behind this car with a couple of kids in the back. They were waving at me and smiling, and they were so cute, I swear, if I was a woman I would have shed a tear or two right then and there.
Yesterday I was in a pub with a mate watching Liverpool and even though we were losing 2:0, I didn't really care, I was thinking about her. Later that day I was watching the last Schumacher race in Formula 1 and instead of being sad, I was smiling and thinking about her.
Saturday I remember walking along the road thinking about her until I realized that I was walking for 2 hours and that it was actually raining.
Friday night we talked for a couple of hours and she fell asleep in the end with me singing her a lullaby over the phone.
I don't remember a thing before Friday. It's a haze.
I don't even care. It's not important. She is right in front of me, smiling. You haven't seen a more beautiful smile ever. Her eyes are almost chrystal like and I can see myself in them. Her hair is kinda falling to one side and she is playing with the ends. Her eyes hipnotyse me and I forget that there is anything else in the world but her. I can't take my eyes of her. They are inviting me inside her soul. I want to reach out and touch her but I know that she is not in front of me but in my head. I can't take my eyes of her. I smile back at her and whisper "I love you". She sends me a kiss and whispers "I love you too".
As I close my eyes, I bring myself back and smile as her image dissolves into a thousand different colors and flies away. I feel calm and relaxed. I hope I dream about her tonight.




Tomorrow I will wake up at 06:00 and hopefully have had a nice dream. I will get on the train and go to Uni frustrated on the way there by the fact that I haven't eaten anything and knowing i'll be in a bad mood all day. Later on, I will go for a drink with this girl from the SU and get drunk with her. Wednesday I will play rugby and get fucked afterwards and get off with one of our rugby groupies. I won't feel a thing. Thursday I will be at lectures all day and feel like shit. Thursday evening I will get back on the train, I will look out of the window with anger and hurt in my stomach, and i will wish I was dead so the pain can stop. I will get home, go to my bedroom, i will sit on the bed with my fists clenched, looking into the empty night, crying.

One week over. Next one starts. Life goes on. For now.
one day at a time...
...sometimes you have to make peace with the fact that you will never be happy. I have.

[VinylVicky]

My mate one wrote me a letter like the words you have used and it made so uncomfortable.
Is she just a friend to you??

[Scarlet Pimpernell]

you dont know that youll never be happy- only time will tell although it sounds so shit to hear.
i know what you mean though the best thing is just getting lost thinking about that person for ages but then SNAP- you realise its not like that. well thats what its like for me anyway.
i also know what you mean about the weeks being a challenge and the same old monotony mixed with pain- ''one day at a time'' is so right.
you sound like youre in a lot of pain. i hope you feel better as soon as possible but if youre feeling really down like me then its guna be a long while..
good luck in any case

[kittie_Keats]

This is awful and i never thought i was the rebound type but i soent alot of time dating people for fun when we split up! Often i'd get to knwo them well, go on a few dates but not fancy them. You shouldve seen them, they were geeks! So amusing now! But it helped. I knew id never get attached, i got friendships, affection and a good old flirt and chat! Just dont lead them on! Kitts

[junker]

There is worse pain.

[TheSovereign]

Originally Posted by junker

There is worse pain.

emo?

[LeicesterLuke]

Mate, I really feel for you. I'm guessing this is a girl you can't have for one reason or another? I felt like this myself once, admittedly a long while back, but it went on for about a year. It does get better, but I won't lie to you, it's a slow process and it's not easy. Unfortunately I prolonged the agony for myself by deluding myself that it was better to love this person I couldn't have than not love anyone at all or get involved with someone else who would only be second best. Love does that though, it blinds you to the point where you can't be rational about anything and everything else you do seems like a waste of time. Good luck - time and patience, but in the end, it can only get better...

[junker]

Originally Posted by TheSovereign

emo?

First time I've ever heard that.

I'm just saying there is worse pain out there. That's it. Sure, not "getting back together" with someone must be pretty terrible, I'm not going to deny that. I wouldn't even be over that in a second.